


Then Fall, Caesar

by catharsis_in_a_bottle



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes (1970)
Genre: Confessions, Conversations, M/M, Making Canon Gayer Minute by Minute, References to Shakespeare, Screenplay/Script Format, Victorian Sherlock Holmes, because we need that dash of holmesian conceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29348412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catharsis_in_a_bottle/pseuds/catharsis_in_a_bottle
Summary: Holmes and Watson discuss the potential rumors surrounding their relationship;A short script-style coming out/confession scene.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	Then Fall, Caesar

**Author's Note:**

> The first part of this script is taken directly from "The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes", with added stage direction/descriptions by me. My own script begins when Watson says "Holmes..." after Holmes's confession-via-silence. 
> 
> Each day, I make Sherlock Holmes gayer and gayer... but what can I say? I'm queer, I'm working with a veritable smoothie of mixed emotions, and for whatever reason I'm a sucker for coming out scenes and confessions.
> 
> Anyway, here's this thing I wrote or whatever.

_A prolific ballerina asks Sherlock Holmes to father a child with her, believing that any offspring would be imbued with her beauty and his genius. She has tried to do so with several men of talent, including Tchaikovsky; early on, however, she discovered that women were not the composer’s “glass of tea.” Holmes deflects her inquiries by insinuating that women are also “not his glass of tea” and that he has been in a relationship with fellow bachelor John Watson for five years._

_[[Holmes and Watson stand in the sitting room of 221b Baker Street, Watson shocked and angry after these events, Holmes both amused and sobered.]]_

JW: Oh, you - you may think this is funny, but we’re both in the same boat!... We must take desperate measures. We must stop this talk! Maybe if we got married - 

_[a beat]_

SH: Well, then they’d _really_ talk. 

_Watson sucks in a breath of resignation._

JW. Obviously… We cannot continue to live under the same roof; we must move apart.

SH [ _with bitter sarcasm_ ]: Of course, we can still see each other clandestinely, on remote benches in Hyde park and in the waiting rooms of suburban railway stations. 

JW [ _exasperated_ ]: This whole thing’s ridiculous! [ _spluttering_ ] We - we have nothing to hide!

SH [ _almost with humor_ ]: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!

JW: Let somebody start a rumor - just one ugly word! We’ll sue them for slander.

SH: No one would dare. Besides, you have an _enviable_ record with the fairer sex.

JW: Damn right. I can get women from three continents to testify for me. And you can get women to vouch for you too, can’t you Holmes?

_Holmes is silent. Watson turns his head, shocked, perhaps a bit saddened, to look at him, realizing the potential implications of the silence._

_Watson moves close to him, almost desperately._

JW: _Can’t_ you, Holmes?

SH:...Good night, Watson.

_Holmes turns to leave, but Watson catches him by the sleeve._

JW: Holmes, let me ask you something - and forgive me if I’m being presumptuous - but there… _have_ been women in your life?

_[a beat]_

SH: The answer is yes.

_Watson rubs his hands together, satisfied._

SH: You’re being presumptuous.

_Watson’s face falls._

JW: Holmes… 

_Holmes’s face suddenly grows dark._

SH: I suppose I’ve made myself clear, then?

JW [ _nervous_ ]: So, are you…?

SH: What? An invert, a degenerate, a disgrace to the name of God? Yes, Watson, if you’re being bitterly picturesque. And what will you do? Will you run?

JW: Goodness no, Holmes, but this rather comes as a - as a surprise. 

SH [ _tentative_ ]: An… unwelcome one?

JW: No. God, no. 

_Holmes bites his lip in contemplation. He seems to come to a realization, a reason why Watson has not fled their rooms yet -_

SH: Watson - 

JW: The answer is yes. 

SH: You couldn’t possibly know what I was going to ask.

JW: I do, and it’s rather an invasive question, but seeing as I’ve asked it of you I’ll give a ready answer. I’ve had enjoyable relations with women and I know I’d be open to the same with men. Were it not for my fear of the law, you might have deduced it sooner. 

SH: So why were you so adamant to defend your blatant and exclusive interest in women just now?

JW [ _face contorted_ ]: Why, fear of what you would think.

_Holmes grimaces; his expression morphs into a darkened smile._

SH [ _quietly_ ]: I rather thought I’d have to fear what _you_ thought. 

JW: Here we are, then. Idiots.

SH: Nothing about this is idiotic.

JW: No, I suppose it’s actually rather depressing.

SH: That we’ve been made to fear each other.

JW: Indeed. That I feel so pressured to speak of… women vouching for me. 

_They stand in silence for a moment. Clearing his throat, Watson breaks it._

JW: So what are we going to do about the rumors?

SH: Well, there _aren’t_ any as far as I’ve seen, or at least none that have spread from the ballet. After all, I spoke of our _relationship_ as if it were solid fact, not whispered quiet rumor by word of mouth. I do not think the performers will speak of it.

JW: So I had no reason to panic?

SH [ _slyly_ ]: Didn’t you? You seemed terrified at the very implication. 

JW: Did I. Well.

_Watson sits on the sofa and beckons Holmes to do the same. They remain in silence for just a moment._

SH: I really do wonder, Watson. There are so many things I’ve failed to deduce about you thus far.

JW [ _fidgeting_ ]: I imagine so. 

_Holmes takes a deep, audible breath._

SH: For example…

JW: Oh, _lord_ , Holmes, please don’t tell me you’ve read me like an open book.

SH: Well. When one’s partner in crime-solving makes a certain confession, and when one realizes upon brief reflection certain signs and gestures that have appeared in the past… one draws certain conclusions.

JW [ _in a rushed whisper_ ]: By God, you’ve found me out, now quit the suspense and _get on with it_. 

SH: [ _smile growing_ ]: I deduce that you have harbored an attraction to me for a significant amount of time, one you have repressed until now, when you are certain I will not shun you for it.

_Watson puts his head in his hands; Holmes laughs out loud, a series of sharp barks._

JW [ _flustered_ ]: Will you quit your howling! You _fiend_. How am I to bear your knowledge of it?

_Holmes pauses, feigning deep thought with a finger on his chin. Then he grins._

SH: You could bear it with me.

JW: _Do_ tell me what you mean. 

SH: Have you never considered that I might return your affections?

_Watson is completely still. Slowly, he raises his head to face Holmes._

JW: That you…?

_Holmes has difficultly stifling his laughter; it's as if he's high on his own revelation._

SH: Yes, my dear man. Must I make it any clearer? Wouldn’t it make sense for two bachelors, living together five years…

JW [ _growing red in the face_ ]:... why yes, I suppose it would. Is that what you told the ballerina, then?

SH: Indeed.

JW: Well, by God.

_Watson takes Holmes’s hand in his lap._

JW [ _with a growing grin_ ]: If the police were to make any accusations, then, I hope they would be entirely correct.

_Holmes is visibly joyous, radiant; this face is a rare sight on him._

SH: I hope so as well.

JW: And what would we do? Allow our own prosecution?

SH: Then fall, Caesar.

JW [ _with a chuckle_ ]: To think you’ve made a literature reference.

SH: To think you’ve understood it.

JW: You devil. Let’s fall asleep by the fire until morning.

_Holmes grins, gazing into the hearth._

SH: A splendid idea.

_**[[End Scene]]** _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, ever so sincerely, for reading. Even though I can't decide whether or not I actually like this. 
> 
> Perhaps I'll write a long ACD Holmes fic one day, if ever motivation should find me, but for now, it's scrawled movie scripts written during the witching hours.


End file.
